Over the last couple of years I’ve had a recurring theme in my dreams. I’m at a hotel/cabin/conference and am packing to go home. The actual packing of a suitcase is usually the opening for a longer dream, and the scenarios that follow or coincide with my packing vary greatly from dream to dream. I’ve talked about this image with a couple of trusted dream workers, and the strongest “aha” I got was the idea that I’m not “at home” with whatever my situation currently is, but that I want to bring along what I’ve learned from being “away” when I do return home. I’m still not certain what part of myself isn’t “at home,” though there’s always been a restlessness in my creative life, so perhaps I haven’t yet found my truest avenue of creative expression.
I know that writing saved my sanity, but after years and years of daily practice, it sometimes felt more like a duty than a salvation. Painting takes me to a very satisfying creative space, but the overhead of set up and clean up (and the lack of a good space) makes it less practical for frequent expression. So maybe there’s still something out there I haven’t encountered that would truly make me feel at home in myself.
Or perhaps this is a metaphor for life itself as a preparation for death. I’m gathering the things that the dream ego identifies with—clothing, primarily, which would be a shallow, outward presentation of persona to the world—in order to bring it with me when I return home/die. In this reading, perhaps the dream suggests that I give too much weight to how the world sees me, and ought instead to be focused on my creative life.
In the dreams, I’m never actually hauling my suitcases to a car or bus or airplane, but am just in the temporary space of the hotel or cabin, gathering my things into a suitcase. If I could get lucid in one of these dreams, perhaps I could better remember what exactly I am packing, beyond a vague feeling of it being clothes. At any rate, this is a perfect example of the dreamer being uniquely and selectively blind to the meaning of her own dreams. This symbol still puzzles me, and I welcome any projections.